Goodbye Beloved
by Gabi1994
Summary: Goodbyes are never easy, but sometimes you have to know when to let go. Kenshin/Tomoe cannon.


*Goodbyes are never easy, but sometimes you have to know when to let go.*

…

There, I can see you now, beloved. You look so small and broken in this snow swept landscape. My bloodied savior, my hurting killer, you are wounded, and your foe is strong.

I really don't know what I've done, I was young and alone. And you killed him. So I made a pact with the devil only to find the angel inside. Even now I can't tell if I truly regret my decision. To stay, to love you, to leave his memory behind. I can only regret that it's brought us to this.

I can see it now; you will try to protect me. You were always like that. But I can't let you die here, you who has so much to live for, though you don't know it yet. And so here I am, standing up because something deep inside is telling me to run. And honey, you know me it was always all or none.

Before you I had thought love was black and white. It was wrong or it was right. But now I know better, you've taught me differently. In your gentle smiles, in your careful play with the children even as your hands hover near that well worn hilt.

I can feel it now, the smooth hilt in my hand, the cold of the snow. A deadly hush has fallen, your breaths are harsh and labored. You plan to die here, but you won't go without a fight.

I can't let you throw it all away, not for me, not for this. You think me pure but you don't know the hatred my heart still harbors. Towards you, towards him, towards fate, I hardly know anymore.

So I throw myself in between.

I feel your blade cut into my back as my dagger cuts into his chest. A short cry escapes me as cold steel draws blood. And you know. In an instant, you know, though you are nearly blind and deaf, though you can barely stand from blood loss. Your strong arms are around me, holding on as if you will never let me go but it's far too late.

Warm tears fall onto my face pulling me back. Dearest, I want to say, you mustn't cry. No matter what happens now I don't regret a moment of the time I spent with you. And I won't ever be far from where you are if ever you should call. You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all.

I dimly hear your precious voice calling my name begging me to stay, asking me why. But you already know. You taught me how to love, how to trust myself. So now I'll say to you, this is what I had to do.

For breathless moments I struggle against the lethargy that is pulling at my numb form and manage to whisper that last word to you beloved,

"Live"

For me, for her, you must not give up, there is nothing left for me in this world.

A warm line of blood joins the tears on my cheek as you lean over me and I dimly make out a new scar on your cheek. Did I put it there? I'm sorry love, forgive me, I only ask that you remember my love when you see that vivid weal and not the blow of hatred and desperation that made its first line.

Seeing it is like both halves of my soul are exposed, his life's line and mine are finally together but only on your body, through your pain.

Forgive me but I must go, both halves of my heart are tugging at me, my love for you, and my love for him tearing me up. Until I just want to leave it all behind, because after all this time I don't know who I am without you. The me I was before you is dead and I'm loosing myself in the present, in the here and now. because if I look back and see the past this beautiful charade will cruble. So I don't want to remember. All I know is that I should.

And I don't know if I could stand to see another hand upon you. All I know is that I should. Because she will love you so much more than I ever could. She who dares to stand where I stood.

By your side, through the pain and the blood, through the smiles and joy. Someone who can love you with their whole heart, because that's what you deserve. Not me, with my broken dreams and torn hopes, not me, I am tainted tarnished, but I've helped. Made you strong enough to wait for her. So don't grieve for me, I was just a step along the way.

And when you finally find her, finally see the loving acceptance in her face, know that was what I wanted to give you all along. I know I'll never be strong enough to give you that, but in this simple act I can give you that joy with someone else.

I wish I could tell you all this but my body feels so very heavy. And that's alright. There is no more pain, no more confusion or fear only hope.

For you, for her, for the one who deserves to stand where I stood.

I love you dearest, goodbye.

End

…

A song I've been listening to endlessly brought this image to mind. I personally dislike song fics but I felt compelled to write this. I guess its less a song fic more song inspired, but whatever

Kenshin/Tomoe

I'd recommend this song to every one. Missy Higgins. _Stand Where I Stood_ if you don't know it go look it up on youtube right now. She's captivating.

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Disclaimer: I own Rurouni Kenshin...*bursts into noisy theatrical tears* _"WHY won't you people **believe **me?"_

**Author's note:** for anyone keeping tabs on my other fics I want to beg your forgiveness for my long absence from fanfic, I've recently hit on this new stint where I have to write the entire story before posting...sorry for the wait. but at least you'll all know that once i start reposting it'll be weekly...*trails off nervously* erm...yeah *dives under the nearest rock as flaming arrows arc towards her* Please don't hurt me! *single hand shoots out from under the rock to drag a battered laptop underneath.*

Gabi's muse: don't mind her, she's been shut up in her room for the past couple of weeks typing...she doesn't get much human inteaction these days....*shakes head and sighs*

Gabi: *muffled from beneath rock with the frantic click of the keyboard* LIES! All lies I tell you!

*high pitched giggling escapes from beneath the rock Muse rubs her haggard face with both hands before reaching in her pocket and pulling out an oolong tea bag getting down on all fours she dangles it near the crack at the base of the rock*

Gabi's Muse: if you don't come out I'll drink all the tea by myself....*trails off sugestively*

Gabi: **_NOOOO! _***two hands shoot out from beneath to grab desperately for the tea.*

Gabi's Muse: *glancing up* oh, don't mind her...she'll be out eventually, she can never resist hot tea for long... *continues dangling tea bag just out of reach*


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